Star of Euphrates


King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of Euphates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Crosus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.

Crosus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."

"But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the King!"

Crosus sang, When you wish to pawn a Star ... makes no difference who you are....
.
.

Om


He was still a novice meditator. His goal was to become an Arahat, a worthy person. He had given up all his possessions, his family and his friends. He had studied Tripikita night and day and had strove to follow the Noble Eightfold Path, but it was not enough. He had not reached the inner peace, the perfection, the Nirvana necessary to finally become a lama.

Then the toothache came. It would not stop no matter how much he tried to meditate. Yoga failed. He had to visit the dentist who found caries extending down to the root. He would need a root canal operation. He readily agreed. Anything to stop the pain.

The dentist offered Novacaine or Nitrous Oxide. He refused. He had the entire root canal done without any type of anesthesia. And when the operation was finished he knew that he had reached his goal in life.

He was finally able to transcend dental medication.

Frankenstein

]
We have created a monster, Doktor Frankenstein!" screeched Igor, the doktor's right and left hand man.
.
Before the good doctor could stop him, Igor waved various human limbs and organs in the patchwork face of the giant, howling, "Tell me, stranger, are you from these parts?"
.
.
.

Who was Obama in the 17th Century?

The Terminator



Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project - an action docudrama about famous composers starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Segal, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all present. Spielberg strongly desired the box office 'oomph' of these superstars, so he was prepared to allow them to select whatever composers they would portray, as long as they were very famous.

.
"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him."

.
"Chopin has always been my favorite, and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano," said Willis. "I'll play him."

.
"I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Segal. "I'd like to play him."
.

Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid." Then,looking at Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Who do you want to be, Arnold?"
.

So Arnold says........
.

"I'll be Bach."

...

.

.

Kermit Jagger, the frog, goes to a bank to get a loan.
.
He talks to Miss Patricia Whack, the bank teller.
.
Patty asks Kermit what he has for collateral.
.
The frog pulls out a small figurine, a glass pink
elephant.
.
Patty says, "I'm sorry, that's just a cheap knick knack."
.
The bank manager walks and overhearsd the conversation. Looking over, he says, "This figurine is three hundred years old -- it's priceless...
.
That's no knick knack, Patty Mack, give that frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
..
.
.

Looking for the Northern Lights



This guy and his girlfriend lived in Austin and they decided to go and see the northern lights. They figured that they would just drive north on I-35 until they got to the end and that should do it. So, they set out on their trip and they're both very excited. They are so excited that it is all they can talk about.
.
Well, after a couple of days they get to the end of I-35 just south of the Canadian border. They find a nice field in which to park, and the entire sky is lit up with the beautiful northern lights. The guy, who's been driving, leaps out of the car at the wonder of it all; he's jumping up and down like a little kid.
.
Meanwhile, his girlfriend is still sitting in the car and reading a magazine. He can't believe it! So he says, "What's the matter? Does the aurora bore ya, Alice?"
.
.
.
Source of Image:
.
.
.
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)